What it was, what happened and now….

Last night I was at a speaker meeting in AA.   At these meetings  the speaker shares; what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. My personal testimony is not so clear cut.   The first time I quit drinking I was 13.  My last drink was at age 42.  During those 29 years I had many attempts at long term sobriety but couldn't seem to embrace an alcohol free lifestyle.   I kept the fantasy alive that somehow if I could just manage my drinking my life would be good.   Drinking was my God.   I know that sounds crazy but it's true.   During that time, in my life; I would have told you I believe in God and I'm a Christian.  Yet, my "go to" was the bottle.   I hit a horrible low and was facing loosing my children, my career and my home.   Jesus made himself real to me after I cried out for Him to do so.   Now, I know that I'm a valuable child of God because of what Jesus has done for me and that He created me on purpose for His purpose.    I still have to fight putting other things in His place.   Sometimes I think.... if only this or that would happen then I would be fulfilled.   How silly!!   If I believe what God has promised I am complete in Him NOW!!!   Things in my earthly life don't determine my Heavenly value.   When I fill myself with Gods word and rest in the fullness I have in Him,  I am whole, I need not fill myself with booze, food, fitness or co-dependent relationships.     What my life is like now is recognizing when I am putting things or people as my God and asking our Dear Lord to keep guiding me back to Him.   Life is not cut and dry it's a process of continuing to chooses Jesus for our health and wellness.    Matthew 6:33 " Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you."